Songwriting & Music Composition

James Conrad
Jul 28, 2021

SWC theme (7th): I still (secretly) spend all my lunch $ on candy

SoundGym Y1W7 Candy
by James Conrad © 2021

=====Revised Version=====
SoundGym Y1W7 Candy
by James Conrad © 2021

https://soundcloud.com/jamestoffee/soundgym-y1w7-candy-v2

Candy is a dancer working downtown
I visit on my lunch break to dodge the office crowd
And I pay what I can't afford to watch her dance a little more

Chorus
I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy
I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy

Candy has a guest room on the outskirts of town
I visit on my way home when I’m feeling kind of down
And I pay what I can't afford to watch her sleep a little more

ch

When I get home at night and I fight with the wife
Another cold dinner is served and I’ve lost my appetite

solo

ch 2X

=====Original Version=====
Candy is a dancer working downtown
I visit on my lunch break to dodge the office crowd
And lights in her eyes have been known to mesmerize

Chorus
I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy
I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy
But I keep some on the side for Brandy
I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy

Brandy is an artist on the outskirts of town
I visit on my way home when I’m feeling kind of down
And the incense in her room has the scent of a harvest moon

ch

When I get home at night and I fight with the wife
Another cold dinner is served and I’ve lost my appetite

solo

I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy
I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy

ch

3 props

Songboy John
Jul 28, 2021

Hi James, you definitely took this in a direction I wasn't expecting!

I really like how effectively the first two lines set the scene. There's a lot of information and imagery packed into a very short space, which is great songwriting. The pre-chorus (the third line) didn't seem as strong to me, because it's more generic and doesn't add much to the story. I would want to hear more about the narrator and their motivation. What are they searching for (or escaping)?

Initially, we get the impression that the narrator is only obsessed with Candy, which is then amusingly changed in the second verse (actually, he visits multiple people). This twist may work better if the second half of the chorus is cut the first time around, as Brandy hasn't properly been introduced yet at this point. In the second chorus, the unexpected chord change to B major at the 'But I keep...' line would then better emphasise the twist, and would also lead more naturally into the bridge. As always, though, a lot of this is down to personal preference!

1 props

James Conrad
Jul 28, 2021

@Songboy John I was trying to add a little twist in the chorus by first thinking Brandy is the drink in the chorus, but then introducing her as a character in V2....and yeah the singer is a jerk, but even 'bad guys' need songs.

Thanks for the listen and feedback. I'll keep thinking on this.

1 props

Songboy John
Jul 28, 2021

Ah, I see - I guess the listener may interpret it differently if they don't have the lyrics in front of them!

1 props

James Conrad
Jul 28, 2021

Possible revision....Does this change improve the clarity?

Candy is a dancer working downtown
I visit on my lunch break to dodge the office crowd
And I pay what I can't afford to watch her dance a little more

Chorus
I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy
I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy

Candy has a guest room on the outskirts of town
I visit on my way home when I’m feeling kind of down
And I pay what I can't afford to watch her sleep a little more

ch

When I get home at night and I fight with the wife
Another cold dinner is served and I’ve lost my appetite

solo

I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy
I still secretly spend all my lunch money on Candy

ch

0 props

Austėja Tarailė (Ostéa)
Jul 28, 2021

Damn, James ;D Got the same idea :D

0 props

Austėja Tarailė (Ostéa)
Jul 28, 2021

That's why I don't read others' entries before I post mine :D

Anyway, I think you did a wonderful job. I agree with "Brandy" being a little bit out of context, but I still like that you have a 3rd line different as a contrast, so if you're going for a rhyme, it would work with something like her serving brandy, maybe a singer particularly enjoy seeing her serving it, maybe she gives him extra attention when he orders expensive glass... Anyway, need to spend some time to find a perfect line if that's something that you still want to pursue ;)

I'm sure I'm going to wake up tomorrow hearing "I'm still secretly speeeeeeend all my luuuuunch money on Candy" :D

1 props

James Conrad
Jul 29, 2021

Here is a link to original version https://soundcloud.com/jamestoffee/soundgym-y1w7-candy

0 props

John Melendez
Aug 02, 2021

Hey @James Conrad

Great song! Really hooky chorus! I like that you added conflict and left the biggest conflict for the bridge, that's brilliant! As always great imagery. Man you should be a TV/Film songwriter! I like the FXs you added to the vocals. I've noticed you always play with and implement the number of lines and the line length effectively and so far I haven't noticed any of your habits, you really like to experiment and let the song go where it wants to go, well done listening to the muse!

I only listened to the revised version. I'm surprised you're not a full time songwriter but I think you'll make it and will get your break as a songwriter soon. Keep up the good work!!!

P.S. I didn't write a song this time, cuz I really didn't feel like it due to my grandma being in hospital, I was so worried, they didn't even have an ICU for her and waited 7 days to get one, finally she got an ICU and got surgery, had a pacemaker installed and now feeling better thank God! 🙏

0 props

James Conrad
Aug 03, 2021

Thanks for the update on your grandma. Thanks for the feedback as well.

1 props

Songwriting & Music Composition

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